guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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