i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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