I wanna bring you to show and tell
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
