Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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