I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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