his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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