You can't special order awesome
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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