I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
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Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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