how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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