Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
