how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
