i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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