I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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