why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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