i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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