Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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