lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
