no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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