the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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