i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
