dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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