Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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