Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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