You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
