I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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