just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
