The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
