I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
