spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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