yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
