he shaved USA in his pubs
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
did you just send me my own nude
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
