oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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