Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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