i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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