WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
