Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
