from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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