I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
