Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
