That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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