I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
