All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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