My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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