grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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