Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
