could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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