I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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