i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
