If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
