I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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