I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
