I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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