i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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