he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
