I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
