Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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