I just threw up on my dentist
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
