We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
