I hate your face
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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