Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
