How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
